Family Matters

Last night, I got an email from my cousin Travis who lives up in Dallas where my Aunt Jean's funeral is being held. According to him, our cousin Elaine (Jean's daughter) showed up and reminded everyone why she is persona non grata with the family. I was kind of hoping that she had changed over the years. Guess I was hoping in vain.

Ten years ago, at our grandmother's funeral, Elaine (who is a graduate of Jerry Falwell's Liberty University) got into a bit of a row with my aunt because - as Elaine put it - "Grandma's in Hell because she hasn't accepted Jesus." Elaine has made numerous judgements like this, telling anyone with earshot that they're going to Hell because they don't believe in God exactly the way she does.

Last night, when she arrived, she once again started passing sentence of Doom and Hellfire on everyone present, even pronouncing to everyone that her own mother is burning in Hell right now. Needless to say, the family is not happy with her.

I remember a time a few years back when Elaine, who is now in her early 40's, was cool. Ok, perhaps "cool" is not the right word. "Reasonable" is a more appropriate word. Before she went off to Falwell's brainwashing academy, she was a nice and intelligent person. Afterwords, she had become a shrill and accusing bitch whose sole joy in life appears to be telling everyone around her that they're not a good Christian and that they are going to Hell. I've not heard a single kind word from her to anybody in about twenty years. She even somehow managed to ruin her twin sister Loraine's marriage, though I'm not to clear on the details as to how. Somehow, though, I have the feeling that the words "sinner," "hell," and "damnation" were involved.

Even though I, myself, am a self-admitted heartless bastard - I had my heart surgically removed years ago, along with my conscience - I have to feel sorry for Elaine's kids. When last I saw them, ten years ago, they were among the most mentally and emotionally fucked up kids that I'd ever seen - and I've worked with some pretty fucked up kids in my lifetime. I would consider it a miracle if those girls aren't drug-addicted gutter-sluts with crack-babies of their own; that is, of course, assuming they haven't just decided to put themselves out of their own misery by now.

The only good thing I can say about this is that she's lucky I'm not able to attend the funeral and memorial service. I didn't rip into her at my grandmother's funeral because that's not something my grandmother would have wanted. Aunt Jean, however, would be applauding from the hereafter as I slapped the stupid out of her petulant daughter.