Assholes, SUVs, and cellphones

This morning, as I was riding to work on the bus, some coiffed yuppie in his SUV turned in front of the moving bus - stopping just in time to miss the bus by about a foot. Naturally, said yuppie was distracted by the cellphone that was glued to his ear. Even as he slammed on his breaks to avoid an accident, his cellphone never moved from his ear. Then, he had to nerve to act as though the bus driver cut him off. The pseudo-righteous indignation was readily apparent as the bus drove by.

After having several close calls with various idiots of all races and genders, I have come to this conclusion: cellphones + SUV = Asshole. I reach this conclusion by observing various cultural groups and the types of vehicles that they drive. While there are retards in every cultural group, the one with the highest asshole factor - by a very large margin - are the self-important SUV-driving yuppies. Throw a distracting cellphone into the equation, and the asshole/idiot factor increases exponentially.

After some deliberation, I have decided on what term best describes these self-centered, egotistical, neurotic retards: "Assholier-Than-Thou." No other phrase so accurately encompasses that mentality that these yuppies display. In their sheep-like pursuit of "Keeping up with the Jones,'" they have transcended stupidity and embraced sheer idiocy.