You know what I hate?

Writer's block.

In two hours, I can write a paper for school and get the highest grade in the class. In fact, I routinely help others edit and revise their papers in order to improve their grades. It's something at which I happen to have some talent.

At work, I can devise, plan, and write a new training program from scratch in less than a day. I know this because I've accomplished this very feat just last week.

Lately, however, when I attempt to write something of personal interest to me, my brain seizes up like a Yugo with bad RaceTrack gasoline. Much like Salma Hayek's character Serendipity in Kevin Smith's Dogma, I have a zillion and one ideas running around in my head, but can't seem to grab hold of any of them and keep them for myself.

Take this past week as an example. I've had muses running around in my head like ADHD-afflicted children who have been loaded up with caffeine, sugar, and crystal meth. Unfortunately, those muses - and the ideas they generate - are as difficult grab as the aforementioned hopped-up hellions. When I try to latch on to one of the many ideas buzzing around in my brain, they all scatter like politicians threatened with an ethics investigation.

The time-tested method of keeping a notebook present at all times has proven futile. As soon as hand touches pen or fingers touch keyboard, my brain goes quiet. It's infinitely perplexing and annoying. The only thing missing here is Nelson Muntz spouting his trademark "HA! HA!" at my failed efforts.

I swear if this keeps up, I'll probably end up going mad.