4 days to go

It’s 4 days until Christmas, and the sheep are out in legion, trying to find that “perfect gift” for their undeserving offspring. Children are masturbating themselves raw at the thought of a new Playstation to replace the old one they got for their birthdays last month. And should Mommy not get the much-desired game console, well, that’s just fine as Junior has the number to CPS memorized so he can report her for child neglect.

Faux cheer and simulated charity permeate the air. The Salvation Army Rangers are camped out in front of every store (except Target, who had to sense to tell them to bugger off) to guilt people out of their hard-earned money in an effort to cash in on the phony feel-good atmosphere.

Aunt Martha is trying to remember where she put the Christmas turkey so she can have it cooked by the time the family arrives for Christmas dinner later today. Or is tomorrow Christmas? Or was Christmas yesterday? What’s that smell? It smells like something is burning in the oven. Now where’s that damn bird?

Religious nuts are apoplectic at the thought that there are still evil unwashed heathens in this country who haven’t accepted Jesus as their Personal Charlatan…*ahem*…Savior and choose not to celebrate Christmas by standing in endless lines holding a Playstation for Junior like good Christians.

And, of course, there are all those Christmas carols. Who could possibly forget all those rancid songs, no matter how hard we may try?

Just 4 more days, and this whole fucking mess will be over.