Keystone Kerry

I've been watching this year's presidential election with a mixture of awe and horror - much in the same way one would watch a train wreck or the Hindenberg disaster. I started thinking of this in terms of something that Hollywood would put out in theaters. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that hollywood has put this out in theaters.

This summer, one of the box office flops was a remake of the 1960's film The Machurian Canididate in which they made the not-so-oblique assertation that George Bush was the real-life Machurian Candidate. Taking this line of thought a little further, I began to think of a way to describe both candidates in Hollywood terms. If Geroge Bush is the Manchurian Cadidate, then who is John Kerry? The answer was so obvious in its simplicity that I'm surprised it took me more than an minute to come up with it.

John Kerry is the Keystone Candidate.

From touting his "service" in Vietnam to letting his wife within twenty miles of a live microphone, John Kerry - like his namesake, the Keystone Cops - has done everything in the absolute worst way with the absolute worst results. Even hard-core Democrats are beginning to realize what an absolute blunder they made when nominating Keystone Kerry as their candidate for the presidency. Personally speaking, though, I have to thank the Democratic Party for their candidate; you just can't pay for this kind of entertainment outside of a Laurel and Hardy movie.